Couldn't resist making this...

Client: We have a HUGE security problem.

Me: *thinks about any possible vulnerabilities* What is it?

Client: A user can take a picture of our website and steal our content.

I’m done for today.

My wife: “Commit, then come to bed.”

My biggest dev sin is not writing any unit tests for devRant :/

My girlfriend doesn't talk to me anymore after I said I helped the new girl to do some penetration testing.

"my app is so awesome you don't even have to close it, it crashes itself automatically. "

*Me and my GF who works for CIA*

Me: Send nudes
GF: Whose do you want ?

Yesterday, my employer promoted me to lead web developer.

I’m still the only web developer.

"Are you familiar with uploading your code to Google Drive?"

I left the building at that exact moment.

- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- Yes
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*
- ಠ_ಠ
- (⌐■_■)

What devrant taught me:

Everyone hates java
Everyone hates php
Everyone hates spaces
Everyone hates tabs
Everyone hates vim
Everyone hates windows
Everyone hates linux
Everyone hates clients
Everyone hates PMs
Everyone hates every language they're not working with
Everyone loves devrant 😊

- Knock, knock

- An async function

- Who's there?

Girl: we need to talk

Me: OK

Girl: you seem to have more time for your computer than me. I want to know how important I am to you.

Me: You are the number 1 in my life.

Girl: *smiles and hugs me*

Me: (thinking)...Just that I start counting from 0

"A different error message! Finally some progress!"

A young guy I work with burst into tears today, I had no idea what happened so I tried to comfort him and ask what was up.

It appears his main client had gone nuts with him because they wanted him to make an internet toolbar (think Ask.com) and he politely informed them toolbars doesn't really exist anymore and it wouldn't work on things like modern browsers or mobile devices.

Being given a polite but honest opinion was obviously something the client wasn't used to and knowing the guy was a young and fairly inexperienced, they started throwing very personal insults and asking him exactly what he knows about things (a lot more than them).

So being the big, bold, handsome senior developer I am, I immediately phoned the client back and told them to either come speak to me face-to-face and apologise to him in person or we'd terminate there contract with immediate effect. They're coming down tomorrow...

So part my rant, part a rant on behalf of a young developer who did nothing wrong and was treated like shit, I think we've all been there.

We'll see how this goes! Who the hell wants a toolbar anyway?!

Since I have started using Docker, I try to build even my local development environments around Docker...

DOCKER ALL THE THINGS!

*In Office
Coworker raises his head, looks at boss: "I'm leaving".

Boss raises head looks at coworker: "Ok".

All this took 5 seconds,..the weirdest 5 seconds of my life

Why not have a game of DevSecOpoly? Doing DevOps and Security right!

Is anybody still watching Silicon Valley?

My co-worker quit by saying he was going back to school.
The dude just went to sit at home.
He figured that its much better than constant "abuse" at the office. 😂

D: wut

I knew I was right!! thanks stackoverflow for confirming. :D

My avatar looks a lot like the 1980s version of Weird Al Yankovic. I never realized how much I look like 1980s Weird Al.

Not in a social network full of developers

Successfully extracted Toyota.