Details
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AboutSecurity professional that swears at things more than anybody should. Taken. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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SkillsPython, penetration testing, server deployment, network architecture, infrastructure design. (Cisco)
Joined devRant on 6/7/2016
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So this happened last night...
Gf: my favorite bra is not fitting me anymore
Me: get a new one ?
Gf: but it is a C already.
Me: get a c++.
After 5 sec i bursted in laughter, she was confused.24 -
Real HR policy ...
HR Manager in Heaven!!!
One day while walking down the street a highly successful HR Manager was hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was greeted by God himself.
"Welcome to Heaven," said God. "
"Well, What we're going to do is let you have a day in Hell and a day in Heaven and then you can choose whichever one you want to spend an eternity in."
"Actually, I think I've made up my mind, I prefer to stay in Heaven", said the woman.
"Sorry, we have rules."
And with that God put the HR Manager in an elevator and it went down-down-down to hell.
The doors opened and she found herself stepping out onto the hell wt beautiful golf course. And a country club and standing in front of her were all her friends - fellow executives that she had worked with and they were well dressed in evening gowns and cheering for her. they talked about old times.
She met the Devil who was really a nice guy and She was having such a good time that before she knew it, it was time to leave.
Everybody waved goodbye as she got on the elevator.
The elevator went up-up-up and opened back up at the Pearly Gates and found God waiting for her.
"Now it's time to spend a day in heaven," he said. So she spent the next 24 hours around on clouds and playing the harp and singing. She had great time and before she knew it her 24 hours were up and God came and got her.
"So, you've spent a day in hell and in heaven. Now u must choose ur eternity,"
The woman paused for a second and then replied, "Well, I never thought I'd say this, I mean, Heaven has been really great and all, but I think I had a better time in Hell."
So God escorted her to the elevator and again she went down-down-down back to Hell.
When the doors of the elevator opened she found herself standing in a desolate wasteland covered in garbage and filth. She saw her friends were dressed in rags and were picking up the garbage and putting it in sacks.
The Devil came up to her and put his arm around her.
"I don't understand," stammered the woman, "yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a country club and we ate lobster and we danced and had a great time. Now all there is a wasteland of garbage and all my friends look miserable."
The Devil looked at her smiled and said:
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"Yesterday we were recruiting you, today you're an Employee".😁😁😁
☝dedicated to all companies9 -
At times, I find stackoverflow community rude. It is, as if all they care about is boasting their virtual ego i.e. points.18
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I take 1 day off from work, i come back finding my chair replaced by a junky one... I mean really??? f*ck this!17
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The everyday software development process:
I can’t fix this!
Crisis of confidence 😕
Questions career 😳
Questions life 😩
...oh it was a typo, cool 😆 🙌3 -
Me: What programming languages do you know ?
Person: I know HTML and CSS and little SQL.
Me: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ *cries inside*3 -
My boss baught me a new setup because he crashed into my car. I think i can accept this apology^^21
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When a PM or other self proclaimed demi god decides to tap the shoulder of the programmers with headphones on just to look just above their head and say "oh, i see. a programmers thoughts do throw a nullPointerException when disrupted"1
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The most annoying coworker I've had is one I still work with! He thinks he's a know-it-all but when ut comes to actually solving a problem, he can't think anywhere close to as innovatively as he portrays himself to be. -_- Oh well, some things you just cant help
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Person: I am a developer. Give me coffee and I will convert it to code.
Me: What have you ever developed?
Preson: 😮. Well I can print hello world in 6 languages!
Me: 😕,You can show yourself out. -
- C# call to SQL Server takes forever.
- Running the same sql in SSMS is nearly instant.
Please SQL Server God, grant me strength to understand your ways.3 -
One of my coworkers uses two monitors (as well as all the other devs), but one of them is always displaying the desktop, with a big gospel wallpaper.1
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I appreciate all of your suggestions to improve devRant but I've a counter suggestion to make. Please do not post silly ideas. We should not try to make this community another Facebook or Twitter. Let's keep it simple and plain. We're better than non-dev users in many ways.5
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Boss: -We're firing one of our freelancers and you are taking over one of his projects.
Me: -OK, what is it?
Boss: Old POS project written in Java.
Me: -But I'm C# developer. I haven't touched Java in years!
Boss: -You'll manage...
FML I've managed to finish and fully refactor this piece of shit project.11 -
this happened to me the other day and ever since any UPS we set in that room fries itself ... mysterious .... maybe the volage on the plug it wrong
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Happy Father's Day to all the ranters out there! may your bugs be few, and your code execute correctly the first time.1
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Super exited! Been thinking for a while now about getting back to software development (worked couple year as dev in my teens decade ago and since then have been in completely different field of work).
Finally made some effort towards my goal and applied for a position nearby.
After four rounds of interviews and tests, I got the job! Awesome!2