Day 24 of starving myself to death challenge.
If you want to have an idea of how much I eat per day, google KFC Boxmaster wrap. It's around 700 kcal.
Lifesum says I need 1800 kcal per day.

Oh, if that's called non eating I didn't "eat" for a long time. Boeh. Many students also have.

@retoor I never said I wasn't eating. Read comments under my rants.

This is the only way to actually finish the challenge. When I just straight up fast, it gets harder and harder. Big caloric deficit approach like what I'm doing is sustainable and requires no significant effort. That's just what I need to get rid of 18 kg of excess body fat I have.

@retoor also, bear in mind that you're a short featherweight girl. I'm 175 cm.

@kiki 😁😁 that's not starving 😁

that's roughly the amount of food I used to consume in a week. Definitely not more, prolly less, bcz it was in a form of soup [half a cup every other day and a tad more over weekends]

@kiki still it's a good approach to loos weight I guess. Is it working? At a certain moment it goes hard I guess. Also, you have the feature to become manic, and nothing - not even suppliments made me lose more weight than a mania.

@retoor yes, it works. Mania worked the same way for me: 95 kg in the beginning, 72 kg by the end. I have no idea why.

@netikras how much weight did you lose?

@kiki he said the he lost a whole retoor once 😕

@kiki my theory is that the brain uses the most calories of the human body and it's on fire, very hard on fire like a kernreactor. It's exploding and escalating so hard that even fundamental things changes like intelligence and stamina. I also consider mania physical, not psychical. Mania is a hardware issue affecting the software. Cpu runs too hard, bits flip, software executes faster than ever but producing errors on the side. It's exactly like a computer a bit to much overlooked too much. You can run any game, but it will crash at some point. Bsod is luring. Bsod equals a psychosis in this example.

But that, that's the reason of weight loss I guess. I forgot to shower while during mania for long and I also did have the smell of a dying body around me. But I felt better than ever, could fight the freaking world! Invincible. Sadly, you have to fight yourself at a certain point and you'll lose without mercy. You know it.

@retoor I don't agree that the manic brain is what burns all that energy — the heat would've physically fried it instantly. But I agree on everything else, as it's exactly what I was feeling. If it's the case, then the depression you feel afterwards shouldn't be treatable with SSRIs because the brain is “broken” and “physically worn out”, and that's indeed what we observe in patients.

@kiki whole a mania is the fucking extremes stuff ever it's very treatable by olanzapine. The depression after it can be ages. I got into kinda depression after strong mania and they send me home as being cured. Felt bad for 1,5 year staring at a wall. I doubt if there exist something against depression. Temporary stuff like xtc maybe.

@kiki amphetamine actually, that's quite a depression cure. Maybe that's how I solved it.

@retoor as far as I know, amphetamines don't cure depression. You can feel better doing them while you're in post-mania depression, but I think it will come at the expense of something else. Your brain does need some time to heal properly.

My last such depression lasted 17 months.

@kiki 120kg down to 79. After renutrition maintained at ~84. Birthdays fucked it up, now fighting my way down from 96 w/o anything drastic

@netikras amazing! I never knew you used to weigh that much. I know how hard it is to lose that kind of weight.

About starving though… if I continue the diet I have now, eventually I will lose all body fat, all muscle mass, and then die of malnutrition. You can't cheat physics. I will need to adjust the caloric intake at late stages because losing muscle mass means spending fewer calories, but I will die eventually.

People die of malnutrition, all while eating, all the time, including in hospitals.

I have plenty of time to reconsider, and that's exactly why I've chosen this method. Plus, there is a chance that a slimmer body in the mirror will make me abandon the dying thing altogether.

@kiki of course amphetamine comes at expense of something else. It's not a medication against depression, but it could be. But some people feel very bad afterwards. I don't have that with xtc, mdma and not with amphetamine. It's really absurd. I would not recommend it for someone else for curing a depression. But I do advise it for coding tho.

What I did, amphetamine, hardcore programming producing a lot of dopemine and at the end if the line the dopemine won. I didn't do nothing. I did do the main thing making me happy full time. If you don't have that, amphetamine will destroy you probably. Especially in my amounts.

I'm super stable right now and happy and functional.

Dont forget it actually IS a medicine in some countries and IS prescribed to people for daily use. My health insurance just sucks too much to buy the good stuff :p So speed it is!

@retoor it is prescribed, but for ADHD/autism rather than depression. I'm autistic, and oh how I want to get my hands on some Adderall.

@kiki sure, but the stuff I did while influence on it cured the depression. Not the stuff itself. I did good stuff what made Mr feel good 24/7 until the depression was gone. Thanks to it, I finally didn't fail what I did a lot because if depression. So yes, it 100% sure can be used to fix depression if you do work on yourself. Even while not prescribed like that.

@kiki I do experience less physical condition tho. Cycling 5km is enough for me these days while I always cold do unlimited like many dutch 😂 No joke, on normal speed, many dutch can literally cycle a whole day. Bicycle three days is a very popular event here. It's families cycling together for three days :) But I'm not able to do that anymore probably. So yh, it costs you for sure.

@retoor I'm an ex fixie racer. You can tell it by my legs I think

actual fasting is no food and it shuts down your digestive system and lets it repair. it also will start recycling malformed cells in your body which is the health benefits of fasting (generally). you can't eat though or it ruins the whole thing...

I was eating 700 calories a day for like a year when I first got sick... literally body couldn't eat more 😔
I also didn't lose any weight when that happened so that was wild (was a little fat at the time even). I also had self-heating issues so quite literally my metabolism was just not ticking and I was dying! yay!

@retoor I had dementia so suddenly getting to 700 calories a day traaacks

actually I'm thinking I have insulin insensitivity... apparently Alzheimer's is considered "diabetes 3"... and inflammation will naturally just murder your insulin receptors. so maybe that's what happened to me. vaccine > inflammation > losing insulin receptors > dementia and metabolism issues at 30 out of nowhere even though I'm of normal weight and decently fit...

... I get mania when my brain inflammation gets worse though 🤔. it's possible my body is giving me mania to try to fuel my brain cells more. or maybe it's the opposite, and manic behaviour is a consequence of a starving brain that can't get enough fuel?

@kiki won't work, sorry :) should I buy a small kebab, I would be set for 2 days. No way I'd eat it all in one take now [before my 'starving to death' I could easily testroy 2x of the big ones]. I can imagine your wrap is smth like that if not smaller.

People die from malnutrition, yes. But that's mostly caused by either poorly balanced nutrition [all-meet, all-carrots, all-X and nothing else] or by metabolic disorders. Or bcz they are actually starving. Your wrap has fats, proteins, veggies and heavy carbs. + your metabolism will find a new balance considering your new eating habbits. You are NOT on a death row :) far from it.

> When oxidative glucose metabolism becomes impaired, neurons can use glutamate as an alternative energy source. This upregulation of glycolysis and glutaminolysis leads to increased excitatory activity in the brain, which may underlie the subjective experience of mania

sweeeet, I'm correct

your brain switches to consuming excitatory compounds instead of sugar and you get mania

glutamate is neurotoxic. makes you good at math though. you'd need GABA increasing substances to counteract it

@netikras all meat diet won't kill you. has everything you need. also interestingly human body doesn't have a need for vitamin c if you're not consuming carbs, didn't look into why but they figured that out in 1920s by trying all meat diets. intuits eat all meat, good example. cuz they have no access to plants, only eat hunted animals. they're not genetically different from us and visitors had the same diets as them and "felt healthier" and all that. also I grew up only on meat growing up cuz my mom was poor (meat is nutrient, calorie dense)

it's more dangerous to eat a deficit of calories than not be eating at all. digestion takes a lot of energy and resources. people often kill themselves not of starvation but when they reintroduce food, called refeeding syndrome. because your body enters a conservatory state and if you don't have the calories to be able to boot digestion for that slither of food you just ate, you overtax yourself and die! was wisdom from my grandma from world wars

@netikras idk, my physics checks out.

If you're not unusually muscular, then at the age of ~30 you have to be 196 cm tall to maintain the healthy BMI of 22 if you weigh 84 kg. At your current 96 kilos, you have to be 208 cm tall. So yes, your body probably does have enough fat to bail you out in the small kebab scenario.

BMI scale isn't applicable to muscular people. If you're muscular, then those muscles reducing is what feeds you.

According to you, 15 small kebabs should be a month worth of food for you, and you won't even lose weight at all. Add the missing nutrients with supplements and let's race 😁

@netikras wait, wasn't it you who told me you didn't believe that thermodynamics explained weight loss? Then I shared a Thunderf00t video, and you refused to watch it, telling me that “it probably doesn't explain anything”? Either you or Lensflare.

Anyway, here's a time code even: https://youtu.be/56j34WAiZRk?t=238

I highly recommend watching the whole thing. So far no diet worked for me at all, but the one based on thermodynamics did.

@kiki currently I'm overweight and my heart doesn't miss a chance to remind me of this :) my goal is 84 again. It's in the OK bmi range. And my food intake was even lower when I was there.

Idk anything about this video nor have I ever refused to watch smth claiming I know better :)

idk about calcs tho, I don't do them. I don't count cals. I just make sure to get a lil bit of everything with my food. That's perfectly enough.

I started my thing when it struck me that I'm eating as much as I used to when I was a teenager, ie when my body needed all that building material and energy. Now that my body is fully developed and no longer growing, that amount of food is nothing but a habbit. I don't need that much. After reducing my portions significantly and taking time for my body to adjust to them they have become the new norm.

Worked perfectly for me. I can only assume it would work the same for others too.

@netikras your heart? :( Scary :( I once in my life had in beating so hard and not in rythm I couldn't lay normal on bed. I just laid down and waited to be over. No issues ever again. The scary thing about heart is, it's noticeable there and you don't control it. But what do you feel?

@retoor my heart is weird. 165–170 is an okay exercise bpm, can support it continuously, and I could do it even while I was 90 kg. Peak bpm is 210, that really feels like pushing it too hard

I have a friend whose peak is 175

@retoor a month ago I had this thing where for several weeks it skipped at least 1 beat every 10 seconds. Soo.. Constant feeling of palpitations, bcz after skipping a beat it has to compensate inotropically and batmotropically. You know the feeling in your chest when something givves you a freaking scare? Imagine feeling that for weeks.

BP is too high. Cardiologist found a condition that will someday be the reason for my heart failure. Not anytime soon tho :) caused by too high bp. Caused by excessive weight and lack of exercise.

Freaking exhausting coughs every morning, caused by exfiltrate in my lungs. Thanks to bp.

@brownthoma oh no

@retoor they target rants with a lot of comments

@kiki ragnar is low priority atm because my snek app doesn't advance enough. Main issue because I'm chatting with it. We'll, the main functionality is at least perfect!

But regarding spam I have a way bigger plan. I exported whole devrant and will out this is in a dataset want will make this publicly available I guess. All tech for it is written, only has to happen. But soon I will have literally every spam message of devrant under control. I'm so interested in how much older rants are under attack.

@netikras fast beating is not a big issue afaik. But not rhythmic is very bad I guess.

@kiki some people just have that, can be perfectly fine. But you have a lot of medication, can be cause.

@kiki "That's just what I need to get rid of 18 kg of excess body fat I have."

and then you reach your goal, you start eating like before again, and you'll gain back much more than that.

this method of dieting is ineffective, unhealthy, and a culinary crime.

@tosensei -18 kg is just a checkpoint, not an ultimate goal. There is no “starting eating like before again”.

@kiki but there is a "starting eating differently from now", i presume. otherwise enjoy your severe malnutrition.