Are automatically configured antivirus tools simply shit or is it IT , who obviously does not know what their software does?

* AV blocks parts of my dev tools
* Ticket to IT
* Result: AV blocks all my dev tools

Okay ... thanks?

Seriously, the person who thought creating a monster like OpenSQL should be shamed in public. This thing really is the pinnacle of misanthropy and working with it feels like having a constant root canal treatment.

Great ... after management got our system destroyed by some external idiots, pledged to never do this again, they now hired externals again to do a whole project by themselves.

Last time we lost all but one senior dev (that would be me) ... this time they'll lose the last one as well. Don't care of this whole department goes tits up anymore, I'm out. If everything goes well, I'm signing a new contract in a few days, making me free in 3-4 months (yes, German labour laws have long periods when you quit ;) ).

Dear management, have fun managing a bunch of rookies with no contacts in the company.

Devs: We fixed a bug, so watch out for some changes.
Management: The new values are too bad, you need to change it back.
Devs: But ... it was a bug?
Management: Rollback ... now!

I swear, the moment shareholders are involved, management is just about who has the best lie.

Colleague: The user said this [Total line] is not the average she expected.
Me: Okay? But she knows that averages are weighted?
Colleague: I'm gonna call her.

... 30 minutes fast forward

Colleague: Okay she wants an average, but she wants us to divide it by something else.
Me: Okay? But she knows an average is the sum of one thing divided by the sum of another thing and not just anything?
Colleague: Yeah, she said she wants it to be kinda this in relation to that.
Me: Okay, so rather some percentage value?
Colleague: To be honest, she just wanted to reproduce this old Excel formula.

God has left this planet ... and I admire my colleague for not completely freaking out in the face of the user.

As a senior dev I take care of stuff when my boss is on vacation and what always drives me crazy is dealing with his managers. It will start with asking if this and that was already done and that's cool, my job includes knowing who does what, but the follow-up drives me crazy.

So yesterday I got one of these mails and I replied that we hadn't started cause colleague A, who was in charge, had <insert list here> topics to do first. Instead of just asking colleague A about the details of these other topics, she proceeded to ask me. To give you an idea, the manager's office is 2m away from colleague A's office.

So here I am, wasting my time with forwarding emails between two people who could just talk to each other, but apparently this is not how management works. I wish this was the first time such things happen, but alas ...

Devs: Can we please get adequate hardware to do our job correctly? Please, just a new set of larger monitors.
Lower management: Sure, this is going to be easy.
Upper management: Wait what? This will cost us around 500€ times 10? Any maybe in the end other departments will want that to, so make it times 100.

We're a 4+ billion company ... but yes, please, I love scroll bars and they make my work so much faster.

Microsoft: Do you know dateadd from SQL?
Devs: Yes of course.
Microsoft: Well you can also do that in our brilliant DAX language.
Devs: Ohhhhhh.
Microsoft: It only works with a special date table, though, and it doesn't work with a non-continuous set of dates, so please don't filter too much.
Devs: Please what??? 🤯😵

Why Microsoft, why?

Context: data warehouse

A colleague gets notified that his historisation produces duplicates. He checks the tables, sees that something has gone wrong ... and asks me for help.

I'm so sorry but I had to laugh so hard. Turns out everything crashed cause the value to be historised had changed back to an earlier version (which can happen). And now I'm here wondering how someone who calls himself a senior dev can create a historisation without taking care of gaps and islands. Seriously, how can you not think about that?

Why has nobody at Microsoft thought of implementing optional parameters for functions in SQL Server? I guess backward compatibility is something they haven't heard of. I mean hell, Postgres can do it easily.

So a consulting company was hired to write stored procedures for us. I don't know where they found these guys, but the code was horrible and took ages to run.

We other devs weren't happy at all, but management forbade us to rewrite the code, cause the consultants would've gotten money for nothing then. As a "fix", these guys just reduced batch sizes to a very low amount of rows and management was happy that the procedures were so much faster now and gave their ok.

Fast forward a few weeks (to now). Obviously a reduced batch size means the procedures will run faster, but more often and it will take weeks to load all the data we need.

Result: Management ordered us to rewrite the SPs and we're all torn between laughing and crying.