Oh shit

When you get high on validation

They hate to see it.

She: What's your idea about perfect date ?
Me: I'll recommend mm/dd/yyyy.. others are really confusing
.
.
***Blocked***

"Engineers don't memorize documentation. They know how to use it."

Programming felt insurmountable to me before I started with it. This phrase blew my mind and changed my approach entirely.

Spends hours implementing a really cool new feature.

Feature gets deployed.

Client flags the new feature as a bug :'(

FML

PHP is pretty nice actually. Am I going crazy?

Protip: If you want developers <30 years old, migrate to git from svn.

Apple has a real problem.

Their hardware has always been overpriced, but at least before it had defenders pointing out that it was at least capable and well made.

I know, I used to be one of them.

Past tense.

They have jumped the shark.

They now make pretentious hipster crap that is massively overpriced and doesn't have the basic features (like hardware ports) to enable you to do your job.

I mean, who needs an ESC key? What is wrong with learning to type CTRL-[ instead? Muscle memory? What's that?

They have gone from "It just works" to "It just doesn't work" in no time at all.

And it is Developers who are most pissed off. A tiny demographic who won't be visible on the financial bottom line until their newly absent software suddenly makes itself known two, three years down the line.

By which time it is too late to do anything.

But hey! Look how thin (and thermally throttled) my new laptop is!

Just saw a recruitment post for a female speaker to join a female panel at a "women in tech" event. And it's by an organisation called "codelikeagirl". 😒

As a female developer, it gives me the upmost cringe to hear about any #women or #girlpower events. Do you really need to validate your ability and support because of your gender? Men don't go to #menInTech events, so why do you need to go #womenInTech events?

On the surface it seems all friendly and gender equality fluff. But if you segregate yourselves into an all exclusive group, isn't that the opposite of what your trying to "achieve"?

HR: How many years you've been developing on Android ?
Me: Two years, with many projects on my own.
HR: So, you're familiar with Android Studio?
Me: No, I've been using "Paint" to code.

Interviewer: I think you are too young for this job, blah blah, your age is too low, blah blah, this job requires elder people, blah blah

(...keeps repeating the same bullshit for literally half an hour...)

Interviewer: look, I have to leave in five minutes. Convince me that you are not too young for this job.

When the normal cream doesn't do the job...

Reality

Fix it without internet

Front-end developer's to-do list :
☑ Climb Everest
☑ Learn how to speak mandarin
☑ Become god
◻ Vertically center something in CSS

Why software aren't free!

Me : We have 3 guys , 850 hours of content to develop, and you want this by mid Feb...
Account Manager : Yes
Me: ... (Doing math in head)..
Account Manager : This has to happen , what do we need to MAKE THIS HAPPEN..
Me: A time machine....

- awkward silence -

Obtain substances Caffeine and H2O.
Headphones engaged.
Music initiate.
Computer clock disabled.
Phone removed from scene.
Disengage with unecessary programs, systems at full power.
IDE interface at full visual view
Rubber duck deployed.
All systems programme!

- Sir, you must put away your laptop before the flight takes off.
- Is a tablet okay?
- Yes
- *Uncouples keyboard from Surface*
- ಠ_ಠ
- (⌐■_■)

Today we interviewed a _very_ good Angular1 Dev, by chance we showed him the forked ngRouter module we use, after some debate he explained that we were using it incorrectly.. I asked if he'd used it before to which he responded:

"Yeah, I'm the guy who built it"

😅

True story.

Go Samsung

General advice: If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.

Math.floor("bodies"); //Let the bodies hit the floor

True story. During meeting, our manager asked us, how the data flow. Our lead programmer response, "PHP will produce Son of Jay output, and read by Javascript".

Our manager; "Hmm... Interesting"

I'm really proud of the devRant community, it seems to be the only one not completely overrun and ruined by people fighting about the election. Stay awesome everyone!

I have a lot of respect for anyone who can design a good looking website.

I can code like crazy. And I was a freelance classically trained illustrator for 10 years. But ask me to design a website and it's all spinning giffs, midi tracks, and Comic Sans. Some kind of early 90's geocities nightmare.

When you don't wanna fix someone's machine but they won't take no for an answer.
1. Go to
http://fakewindowsupdate.com
2. Select OS
3. Press F11
4. Just tell them it just needed to update and enjoy the show.

Too true, too true...