Client: "Do you think we could finish specs in week 33, see a demo in week 35, and aim for the product to be finished in week 39?"

I jump on the conference room table, rip the shirt off my sweaty chest, and yell:

"WEEKS OF WHAT? 31 WEEKS SINCE YOU BECAME A CLIENT, 35 WEEKS FROM NOW, 39 WEEKS INTO THE PREGNANCY? BLOODY FUCKING HELL MAN, DO YOU HAVE TO TALK LIKE A RETARD?"

Client, unfazed: "Weeks since the start of the year, sir"

Me, swinging my pants above my head like a lasso:

"WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF SNOWFLAKE ARE YOU, YOU REALLY EXPECT ME TO COUNT THE WEEKS SINCE THE START OF THE YEAR? WHAT ABOUT JUST USING DAY OF THE MONTH YOU OBNOXIOUS DIMWIT?"

Client: "We always use weeks at our company to plan things"

Me, winding the legs of my pants around the neck of the client:

"I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE USE WEEKNUMBERS, JAKE. I. FUCKING. HATE. IT."

Client, still pretending everything is fine: "If you want I could send you a screenshot of my outlook calendar?"

Me, sitting in underpants on the client's back, sweaty legs wrapped around his waist, trying to pull out his gel-infested manager-hair while strangling him with my pants:

"TIME OF DEATH, UNIX TIMESTAMP 1595240810, ISO 8601 DATE 2020-07-20T10:26:50+00:00. ANOTHER PROJECT SUCCESSFULLY WRAPPED UP"

(parts of this story may have been dramatized to reflect my underlying emotions)

Swimwear was mandatory for using computers in 1982

Blockchain isn’t dead yet. From CES:
https://mobile.twitter.com/edzitron...

⚫⚫⚫⚫🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️

To the cunt who named himself "Uncaught ReferenceError: username is not defined":
Sincerely, fuck you.

Hey everyone,

Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates, happy holidays to everyone, and happy almost-new-year!

We had a bit of a slow year in terms of devRant updates, but we gained some momentum towards the end of the year and we're looking forward to carrying it into 2020. Recently, we launched what I think are our coolest new avatar items yet (https://devrant.com/rants/2322869/...) and behind the scenes we got our iOS/Android apps on the latest version of the frameworks we use, which will help us continue to improve stability. Still, we definitely would have liked to do more, but we're optimistic the coming year will bring great things for devRant.

One thing we are very proud of is this year we had our best year ever in terms of platform stability and uptime. Despite the platform growing and our userbase growing, we had almost no complete app downtime even though our infrastructure is minimal. A large part of this is thanks to devRant++ supporters, who allow us to maintain a small but effective tier of infrastructure and redundancy.

In the coming year, we're going to launch one of our most ambitious initiatives yet, and we're also going to continue to improve the devRant experience itself. We want to try to gather more user feedback, so we'll be working on a way to do that too. Stay tuned, more on this stuff coming soon.

As always, thank you everyone, and thanks for your amazing contributions to the devRant community! And thank you to our awesome devRant++ supporters for continuing to be the main drivers to keeping devRant up and running.

Looking forward to 2020,
- David and Tim

Soooo. World war 3.. 🤷🏾‍♂️

Safe to say most of us here will be fighting a cyberwarfare. 😂😂😂 No hard feelings folks.

*Website exists*

Client: “I should be rich by now. Please fix.”

Me: “... Did you do any ... marketing?”

Client: “I don’t have money for marketing. That’s what the website is for.”

Quite true about those EA basterds.

just for the lols

(•_•)
<) )╯i
/ \

\(•_•)
( (> got
/ \

(•_•)
<) )> promoted
/ \

Relateble af ! 😂😂

And on Fridays we all say together...

✨
✨ DON'T ✨
✨
✨ PUSH ✨
✨ ✨
✨ TO ✨
✨
✨ PRODUCTION ✨
✨
✨

~During app demo to our client~

- And when you click here the request will be submitted, the admin will be notified.
*App crashes*
- And of course the app will close itself since it's the end of the process.
- Client: That's good
- Me: ⊙﹏⊙

My friend (not in CS) said his computer was a bit slow.
I told him I'd fix that for 10, he agreed.

I increased the cursor speed.
He bought it.

This passes all unit tests

only elon musk is smart enough to realize there are smart people out there who can get shit done without a goddamn fcking degree

Savage designers....

Thats real motivation!!!!😅😅😅😅

If u are using a shitty machine 💩💩
😂😂😂

Current State

Really great programmer...

Woman couldn't reach the login page of her hosting account.

After 15 minutes of debugging she found out that her Internet wasn't turned on.

This shit is the fucking reason why I drink alcohol.

One does not simply uninstall visual studio...one has to first update the installer

😂😂😂

I don't remember where did I found this, but there you go.

MFW the company that have a turnover around $100 million via their woocommerce site only does'nt want to upgrade from PHP5.4 because "it is too much work".

Well fuck you then

I found such a treasure today in the production code.

got my first salary!!!

And you can only hope you don't have to compile it yourself using alternate sources.

How weird is this?
I was working on a project. I wasn't able to find solution for a particular sub problem. It was late so I thought of sleeping.

I dreamt about the problem. I solved it in my dream. When I woke up in the morning, I remembered the solution and I solved it.