Functional languages like Haskell, F# and so on have been designed by Satan himself to torture poor dev souls

Haha, while the syntax can sometimes be evil, the concepts are worth learning. There is some serious power in functional programming and it doesn't have to be limited to just functional languages. You can apply functional concepts like immutability and tail recursion to any language.

I'm all for functional programming. I apply it in my daily JS/TS work. What I'm not for is hard to read syntax. Since when did it become machine-readable code is more important than human-readable? Also, a lot of the languages you praise promote anti-DRY patterns. Writing like it's the 70s = the future...smh