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sprint retros with PM are a fucking farce, it cannot possibly get any more grotesque.

they are held like this:
- in the meeting, PM asks each team member directly what they found good and bad
- only half of the team gives real negative feedback directed towards the PM or the process, because they are intimidated or just not that confrontative
- when they state a bad point, he explains them that their opinion is just wrong or they just need to learn more about the scrum process, in any case he didn't do anything wrong and he is always right
- when people stand up against this behavior, he bullshits his way out, e.g. using platitudes like "it's a learning process for the whole team", switching the topic, or solely repeating what he had just said, acting like everybody agreed on this topic, and then continue talking
- he writes down everything invisible for the team
- after the meeting he mostly remembers sending a mail to the team which "summarizes" the retro. it contains funny points like "good: living the agile approach" (something he must have obviously hallucinated during the meeting)
- for each bad point from team members, he adds a long explanation why this is wrong and he is doing everything right and it's the team's fault
- after that happens the second part of the retro, where colleagues from the team start arguing with him via mail that they don't feel understood or strongly disagree with his summary. of course he can parry all their criticism again, with his perfectly valid arguments, causing even longer debates
- repeated criticism of colleagues about poor retro quality and that we might want to use a retro tool, are also parried by him using arguments such as "obviously you still have to learn a lot about the scrum process, the agile manifesto states 'individuals and interactions over processes and tools', so using a tool won't improve our sprint retros" and "having anonymous feedback violates the principles of scrum"
- when people continue arguing with him, he writes them privately that they are not allowed to criticize or confront him.

i must say, there is one thing that i really like about PM's retro approach:
you get an excellent papertrail about our poor retro quality and how PM tries to enforce his idiocratic PM dictatorship on the team with his manipulative bullshit.

independently from each other, me and my colleague decided to send this papertrail to our boss, and he is veeeery interested.

so shit is hitting the fan, and the fan accelerates. stay tuned シ

Comments
  • 8
    had to do this:
  • 5
    also, this:
  • 3
    @soull00t I am saving this.
  • 5
    You sure your PM didn't get lost on his way to kindergarten?
  • 9
    Start bringing popcorn, and retro bingo cards to the meeting.

    When asked wtf, reply: "Agile is about doing productive things", or any other unreleated "Agile sayings".
  • 7
    @magicMirror oh i love that idea XD

    bad thing is then i'm gonna have to smile throughout the whole meeting, and when you smile in a meeting with PM, he will immediately comment on that and ask "soull00t, why are you laughing? could you please share with us what's so funny?"
  • 4
  • 5
    @soull00t
    Do not smile. keep that pocker face up. Get into the "Agile" place in your mind, and keep saying:
    "We are not doing waterfall, this is agile"
    "Lets refine that later"
    "That is a key takeaway for the next Sprint"
    "What is the MVP here? you are!"
  • 2
    📻 tuned
  • 6
    So incompetent and clueless that he's digging his own papergrave, that's a feat.
  • 1
    @magicMirror "get into the agile place in your mind" 😂🤡 PM should use this phrase as teams background
    only with the small detail of having the whole sentence striked through and replaced by "PM is always right"
  • 2
    i should probably get some sleep lol
  • 2
    I am now feeling insane amounts of survivor's guilt for being in the company and team that I am in.

    Holy shit I am so sorry for all the people who relate to this. 😭
  • 6
    It’s always hilarious when a PM or any non-technical person tries to BS their way through something they clearly don’t understand. Like just say “I don’t know”. It’s not that hard. And techies will actually respect that.
  • 2
    @Anakata that would Show weakness, and PMs dont like to show weakness.
  • 3
    @max19931 Actually, it would show self-confidence and team work.

    I remember my boss in my first company who once said he didn't know as much about the bits and bytes level as I did - and this was the exact reason why he had hired me in the first place. That's how self-confidence looks like.
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