My inbox of ~7.500 unread emails! "I'll get around to it. Tomorrow.". It has now been 2 years.

Dont worry, you'll never get it sorted. Once it reaches a threshold, it never can be cleared.
I saw my dad's email unread count at 2000+ (dont remember the exact number) in 2008, i asked him to clear it, he was like "I'll do it eventually"... Jump to 9 years later, his current unread count is 14000+!!!

Only 7500. You are like a little child. Watch this.

(I have 15000 unread)

Just send all to archive and start over at that point 😊

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@dontPanic haha ha. 😂