I guess this is more of a work environment question than a dev one. Are you friends with your teammates/ coworkers at work ?

I’ve had some bad experiences and now I’m in a much saner environment and despite everyone being nice, some afterworks and out of work events, I still can’t quite give my full trust. Should I ? I can’t shake the feeling something is gonna go wrong if I do…

EDIT: For additional context, I work in a big company where my interactions with my colleagues are not really followed closely like they would be in a startup I guess.

I've only been actual friends (as opposed to work buddies who don't interact outside the office) in one place, and it was a larger corporate environment.

It's hard to work out whether to trust people, and I think there's a company culture factor - in said corporate environment the first time people really consider themselves friends is when they've been out drinking together.

For me, interacting outside of the work environment is always a risk, so if you're not sure about someone I'd dip your toes in slowly - do you talk about non work stuff with them? Do they share elements of their personal lives? Extend them the same trust they extend you, and hopefully no-one will get their nose out of joint and you might end up with some actual friends.

I'm friends with "some" of my coworkers, others not so much, but I'm still polite and nice to them, we all just want to finish and go home.

I don't attend all parties, sometimes I do when I feel like it, there's no requirements for me to do that...

In short, I don't think it matters if you met the people at a bar or at work, some people just click with you and some don't... don't look at them as "coworkers" or "teammates" but as individuals and be friends with whoever you want and only go to events you feel like could be fun or if there are people you actually want to speak to... if you just don't feel like that with any of them, then it's perfectly fine my dude.

I maintain what I'd call "professional friendships" with my colleagues (the good ones, that is.) I'll chat about my personal life (to a point at least!), I'll gladly go out for a few drinks after work, if they're stuck on a work task then I'll wade in and help them out, even if that means doing overtime when I really don't want to.

What I don't do is go beyond that.I don't introduce my family to them, hang out on weekends or holidays, text them random chat outside of work hours, tell them my deepest secrets, etc. - that's a boundary for me.

The issue with becoming too "chummy" is, in any workplace, you have a conflict of interest. What if you need to let someone go, and your best friend is among the options? What if you've had a big argument over the weekend about something and it affects your work? What if your wives start bitch slapping each other and it makes things... awkward?

Other people may think differently, and there is always the odd exception - but the above works for me.

@AlmondSauce do you expect your wife to start bitch slapping random people lol

@electrineer No comment 😅