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That "lol" at the end... I hope you can indeed still feel like laughing.
Set some borders. Just a firm and direct "I'm quite certain I can figure this part out by myself. But thanks for the help, I'll be certain to ASK you for assistance IF I need it" 🤷
There's sadly still a lot of assumptions about skill levels and interests when it comes to women in the field — sometimes even amongst women themselves. You're not going to win the whole war, but you can make people respect your conquered territory with clear communication.
Most devs (which are historically often male) are arrogant, direct, a bit rude. They brag about their knowledge and capabilities.
Companies have not just grown to tolerate that, but even expect it from devs — and to be seen as an equal you must adapt to it as well.
Sadly from there it's a thin line to a toxic culture.
I think firmly claiming your spot and demand respect for your skillset within the team without setting people on fire out of frustration is one of the most difficult things in development. -
I think misguided help more often than not is ... just misguided / misunderstandings.
They may have just misheard (maybe because they weren't listening) that you really were at square one ... and they really were trying to be helpful not realizing you were ... way further along than that.
It might be less about compliance as it is where you were / misunderstanding. -
I do think this happens more with women, though I can't verify it because I work at a very small startup where only one girl works. I also can't see how others talk to her outside meetings because it's all remote and everyone has private chats. Anyways, people generally think others are less capable than they are (I've been guilty of doing this, even made a small rant about it a while ago), so it doesn't really surprise me that it's a woman talking like that to you, people in general do that (though again, I do think men do it a bit more against women). Still, kind of a dick move on her part since it looks like you know each other for some time already.
Also, what @N00bPancakes said. -
@HiFiWiFiSciFi 😂
At the moment my reaction would probably be "wow, there's other people still working at the company?" -
Too drunk to respond.
But like.
“Presumption of incompetence” describes my interaction with every single one of my coworkers throughout my entire career until I’ve proven myself.
They tell me seriously novice things and say they’re useful or might help. Like how to run specs, run migrations in rails, how to do a bloody forEach in JavaScript. Like come onnn I’ve been doing this for everrr
And of course they never listen when I bring something up. And when it ends up being an issue, they forget I ever said anything. Agsjdhd.
I’ve only ever worked with a few women devs, but they have all done this exact same thing. I sort of dismissed it as coincidence as I’ve only worked with a few, but it really has been every single one of them. -
@electrineer The problem is that no question was asked at all. Just saying, "This will be a good learning experience," is not a solicitation for advice or assistance.
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Communication is hard sometimes...
But in my experience, most devs are ... Unempathic unenthusiastic scum bags.
(Me included, especially when annoyed).
When asking a Dev for help, expect to get an answer that requires minimum effort and time. (manager blues hitting hard)
Usually I respond by threatening them with a meeting... If I don't get an answer that's more useful than 1 ply toilet paper.
Suddenly they are able to provide meaningful answers in full sentences...😈
So I guess it is not gender specific, more "a general problem".
FUCK PEOPLE WHO INDENT LIKE THIS YOU MAKE ME SICK
Son of a bitch!
The presumption of incompetence:
Has this ever happened to you?
Starting a task and chatting with a fellow dev-- my first time implementing analytics in this particular app. I mentioned to them that I've been doing analytics implementation on various apps at our company for years, but our current apps' analytics setup is the most intense and this will be a good learning experience for me to dig into.
They responded by sending me code snippets of existing analytics implementations to help me. Not hidden or lesser-known classes, very obvious ones I already had open and was working off of. With advice like "just search the codebase for 'analytics' and 'trackPage''" lol.
I like this person a lot, but this definitely caught me off guard. It felt like something her obtuse manager would do, but not her. This would probably not be a big deal to most but I'm so used to being given unsolicited/unhelpful/irrelevant advice from male devs, and having to be pleasant and thank them, this one was tough to witness.
How do you respond to unsolicited "help"? Does it bruise your ego the way it bruises mine? lol
rant
colleague
incompetence
coworkers
analytics
unsolicited