An actual email thread:

G: I need this done

Me: okay. Whats the priority, when's the due date, who are the stakeholders, what's the sensitivity level of the data?

G: Priority is ASAP, due date is ASAP, stakeholders are ALL OF IT, and i want to be able to control the data sensitivity level

...

Those arent ANSWERS; they're REQUESTS!!!

Tell him that he needs to give you a deadline so you would be able to plan and estimate. Asap doesnt tell you anything

@zemaitis lol they just responded with "By the end of next week"!

Its the middle of our sprint right now; you really think this is going to be done by then? Yeah right!

Around the 29.Feb 4824

@arcsector give him options and ask what is priority, to finish this sprint and then to do what be wants or to put current sprint on hold and prioritize his new task. Eitherway sprint will extend and sacrifices will have to be made. Maybe by giving till the end of next week he expects you to work on weekend?

One of my biggest pet peeves:

"due date is yesterday"

FUCK YOU.

@zemaitis this never works with the kind of oblivious people this is meant to handle. I can tell you what the response will be. "Well *developer John q. Dickhead* can do BOTH at the same time, I don't see why you can't."

And after you explain why, you'll still get the same response. "Do both."

It's called setting someone up for failure. And it's what workplace narcissists do in order to compromise a team or get rid of somebody. It's part of what we describe when we use the phrase hostile workplace, and it's very rarely unintentional in my experience.

If you fulfill the request to drop the current work in order to handle the emergency request then later when the original deadline for the first set of work comes due the response will be "well why didn't you TELL me. / Something could have been worked out. / You and You're team is always behind like this / you knew and had the resources and time to finish both. / Theres no excuses."

On the other hand if you refuse to switch gears, especially because they won't give you a straight answer, then you'll be labeled "uncooperative" or "not performing to expectations."

Basically it's a no-win situation. What I would do is covertly document they're bulshit, I'm on like a weasel go over my boss's head, because a lot of times when you're dealing with a dipshit like this it's because they're appointed by your boss cuz your boss is also a dipshit. So it's important to protect yourself and point the finger squarely where it belongs. The man they send you everything in writing or an email or other document form of communication. And when it comes to a head at say a meeting or other (because it will), and this person tries to say "told you", claim they never said any such thing, adamantly. Get their willful obstruction in vagueness in documentation and have the evidence of their decisions on hand or even print it out.

@Wisecrack you make a good point wisecrack. I'll definitely bring this up with our section manager so that we can hash this out.

@arcsector pardon all the fucking grammar mistakes. I was using voice to text for most of it. Only SOME of them are because of retardation.