I'm sick of hearing the guy in the office just down the hall fart with his door open.

I dunno... Is that too much to ask for?

It's really not socially acceptable to run into you office, urgently, not shit the door, and let a wet one rip.

Edit: And also, can you dial not on speaker phone. Max volume.

This is an easy fix. Approach his open door and say “Shut your fucking door, you stinky arsed, noisy, disgusting mother fucking half wit, selfish, wanker, and if you ever dial on speaker phone again I will personally ram that fucking phone up the crack of your stinking shit hole you complete cunt”. Slam the door shut. Walk away to cheers from co-workers. The twat won’t make a sound again.

@helloworld + don't smile.

Edit: maybe a big sociopathic smile could do the trick tho

Anywhere else that would be the thing to do, but not with this culture. I'm a contractor.