A client, who don't know about programming. But only wants to finish the project ASAP

Me - It's complicated to implements this new feature.
Client - It's easy!

"If it's so easy, sit down and help me write some code. No? You don't know how to code? Then how do you know it's so easy? What do you mean you don't know? Alright then fuck face. Shut the hell up telling me what's easy and what's not if you don't even know how to code."

Should get the message across nicely. :)

Client: it’s easy.
Me: here’s the fucking keyboard, you do it if it’s so easy.
Client: er no, no I can’t do that
Me: then shut the fuck up and let someone who does know, do this.

Client: Can you build me a web app similar to Gmail?
Me: Sure, what is the timeline that you are thinking?
Client: Yesterday!
Me: Well, I better get to work!
Client: Will $100 cover the cost?
Me: I work for free.