When it's late at night and my wife and child have gone to bed and I pull out the laptop to start some code/specification I question my life choices.

Does anyone else wonder why they're driven to do what they do?

the older i get the more often i question. but feeding a family and paying the debts and a home doesn't make it easy to do whatever the fuck i want.

No.
Whenever I code, I am happy.
Whenever I think about how to do something, my mind turns to code.
If there's something I need to do, I code something to do it for me.

Code makes my life easier and better.
Why would I *ever* feel bad for this?

@Root in my case i sometimes think i'd rather should have chosen the programmers way.
but since i am a grumpy old misanthrophic man i am quite sure i'd question everything at some points of life because you have to deal with humans in any case. (but i'd appreciate home office possibility)

Two days of coding can save me minutes of effort!