I have a problem. I can't do anything.
I can't really get started with the new path of software development. I have lots of stuff (like *tidying the room* or *exercise* or something good for my life) do but in the end all the things I have to do are tangled up. So learning usually gets in the pile of tangled up shit.
I try to use organisational tools. But my focus is zero.
Mental health issues don't help.
I think I would put at good use a few coding buddies, mentors, whatever... Self paced courses dont work for me. Bonus point of notgettingshitdone if online course.
I have low self esteem and I'm not trying to hide it.
I hate myself to the fucking core.

Totally offtopic image of metal gear slash because it lessens bad mood. Plus Otacon is my coding hero. So yep here it is.

I can't deal with the "lazy" label. I mean I have some limited energy I'm gonna put it in vital necessities. Is that so strange?

Stop giving yourself the lazy label. Give yourself the "I'm good, I made progress" label whenever you do something, no matter how small.

i think you are just scared you won't succed, but you don't need to be good quickly, good things take time. be more nice and don't judge yourself, is no point in that. one day do exercises and the other stuff, and one day study. to relax, in breaks put some random videos about programming, in this way your brain will manage to think that this is what you want

@electrineer that lecture (I don't know the right term, but as it's pretty much educational, I use this one) is exceptional, and I don't hand down compliments like thrown candies - at least when I do I speak before I really appreciate the work.

I would say that's the case @crissupissu, I'm hugely perfectionist and the hyperactivity is quite much a blade in the heart of something that doesn't have instantaneous feedback and appreciable, good result.

But it's also that I feel alone. Everyone around me seems full of knowledge so i feel a bit out of place. I learn a lot socially and without a figure I can speak I have anxiety. Just to give an example, for years I did bad in math, then came a bunch of professors radically different. Grades skyrocketed. It was sufficient to lend me a hand, then I flied with my own wings.

I would like to hold another hand.

In those moments i play video games till they make me sick.

Then im happy to code again.

Especially team player games with random people.