38
Root
6y

I built a tracking suite for our fleet of printers quite some time ago. Once a day, "bizteam" (aka sales) gets an alert detailing how many printers are in critical need of attention (out of paper, mechanical error, etc.), and how many of them are flat-out offline. They don't seem to care. I mean they do, I think? but. the offline percentage hasn't changed much in the past month or two.

These printers constitute a primary part of our business model and... screw it. they're goddamn important, okay?

A full 16% of our printers are OFFLINE. Most of those HAVE BEEN OFFLINE FOR 3 FUCKING MONTHS.

3% of our printers have been online BUT OUT OF PAPER FOR OVER A MONTH.

and what really baffles me...
We've convinced a few of these merchants to actually plug in their goddamn printers. (and yes, they actually *paid* for these things, and they're absolutely not cheap.) Some of those were previously both offline AND out of paper, yet after being plugged in, they're *STILL* OUT OF PAPER?! What the crap, people! It's a printer! it's not difficult! It's the same as every other fucking printer you have! and it's probably the same goddamn fucking model!

Did AlexDeLarge skullfuck your brain into mush? FIX YOUR SHIT!

Comments
  • 5
    I wouldn't want a printer that phones home.
  • 19
    I had someone ask me how to turn on a printer.

    There was only one button on it, it was clearly labeled "power"
  • 8
    @ewpratten I have a screenshot of this comment saved for the next time I need to laugh.
  • 7
    @Fast-Nop It's an "intelligent printer" that contacts our servers for its print queue. Merchants don't give the printer any jobs; customers do, on-demand.

    I can't explain further without basically giving the business away.
  • 4
    @ewpratten clearly it should have been labeled “turn on”
  • 5
    I reread my rant.
    It wasn't enough the first time.

    ... These merchants!

    They pay a monthly/yearly subscription to our service. They buy an expensive printer from us. They have us train their staff on how to use the service. And they unplug the printer || leave it without paper. And then complain. To us. When customers can't use it. (As if the customers don't complain enough already)

    The fuck is wrong with you people?

    Argh!
  • 4
    @Root

    But we paid YOU for all this! Why do *I* have to reload it??
    -everyone buying your service
  • 3
    @Diactoros 🗡😠
    @Condor Yeah...
  • 2
    @Diactoros @Root idk the model and the budget but I would totally offer a white glove level service for triple the normal subscription and come by and check their printers are plugged in and loaded when ever needed
  • 4
    @jeeper
    That’s what I’m talking about. If you’re going to provide tech products and services, jack the price up and make it so that people empty their wallets to never engage their brains.

    Apple makes disgusting amounts of money on this very sound business principle.
  • 3
    @jeeper haha yeah
    These are installed across the country though
  • 0
    We're up to 20% 😞😧
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