Friend: So, you can program

Me: Yeah

Friend: nice, can you hack a Facebook profile?

Every.
Fucking.
Times.

Friend: Can you program?

Me: Yeah, I often spend my free time makin--

Friend: Can you make me an easy2use hack which is basically untraceable? kthxbye

Feels relatable.

Me: Can you pay me my standard rate of $250 per hour? Facebook's cracking down on security so you can expect at least 20-30 hours. And I can't guarantee success, but you will have to pay me, as that time spent is lost revenue.

If they're actually willing to pay you, they've got more money than brains, so just half ass attempt it for a few hours and charge for like 15-20 hours. Quick and easy cash lmao

Sometimes it's like:
Friend: so I have this (really stupid idea with no chance to work in real world), can you implement it for me in exchange for 50% of the profit?? I have no tech beckground whatsoever and my idea is so stupid no-one I know is willing to help me losing time and money

Or,

You're a programmer? good you must know how to fix this old tablet from a company nobody heard about and its not working at all with no signs of life.

@solifugo No. Happens to us all.

Side note: could be worse. Imagine being a pharmacist and having people show you their nasty ass bumps, infections, and rashes asking for your input. That's nasty. I'll take telling people I can't fix their crappy printer that's 10 years old over look at disgusting rashes.

I love fixing printers.

My friend: So You Program
Me: Yeah
My friend: Can you hack this guys xbox profile?

I always get this one instead:

Them: "So you program?"
Me: "Yes"
Them: "Hey listen... I have this multi-million dollar idea for an app. All you have to do is code it, and we could be rich."